Articles & Letters
 
Abstinence & Chastity: Bywords of the '90s
The Sentinel, July 29, 1993
"Singles Scene," by Laura Cudak
 

Mentioned in this article: The Consensual Sex Statement -- Download it now! [PDF, 92K]

• Dateline 1990: Syndicated advice columnist Ann Landers received 35,000 letters in response to a letter she printed from a couple in their late 50's who happily did without sex.
   
• November 7, 1991: Professional basketball player, Magic Johnson of the Los Angeles Lakers, announced he had HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.
   
• August 1992: Michelle Tish Carter reaches an out-of-court settlement with comedian Robin Williams. The former cocktail waitress charged Williams failed to tell her he was infected with herpes. Although Robin Williams did not deny having an affair with Carter he did not acknowledge or deny he was infected with herpes. How much money Carter settled for was not disclosed. The original lawsuit demanded $6.2 million.
   
• Marc Christian, lover and companion to Rock Hudson, won $5.5 million from Hudson's estate. But not because he contracted the AIDS virus, but because Christian was subjected to the risk of AIDS from his HIV-positive partner.

The idea of spontaneous, no-consequences, random sex is not limited to concerns about pregnancy, crabs, herpes and AIDS. For this is the litigious '90s--lawyers, courts, legal entanglements. Intrusions of privacy in the bedroom, between the sheets, and the intimacy of sexual liaisons.

Lawyers have raised the point and the courts are awarding compensation to alleged victims of partners who are knowingly infectious and silent about their sexual diseases. Winning a lawsuit in this regard requires proof that the victim or plaintiff was not infected before the encounter at issue. Pretty tricky, considering privacy laws regarding medical records.

Call me old-fashioned if you may, but I feel both partners have some responsibility for protecting themselves from the hazards of casual, unprotected sex. Especially when the result may be a lethal exposure to AIDS. Or an expensive, humiliating lawsuit which shatters your lifestyle--and could cost you your freedom. Ask Mike Tyson. He crossed the line and lost. Tyson claims Desiree Washington was a willing participant. The verdict was rape. Which brings us to another legal entanglement issue--just what constitutes consensual sex.

The debate over "date rape" and false rape accusations led one group, The National Center for Men, to promote a "Consensual Sex Contract." Drafted by a team of New York lawyers, the contract offers written proof both parties agreed to sexual activity. The contract states: "Neither of us may claim to be the victim of sexual harassment or assault or rape as a result of the acts which are subject of this agreement..." However unromantic or offensive this contract might appear, its distribution to college campuses and elsewhere has grown. The benefit may be that it gets two people to talk about the potential risks of unprotected sex.

I spoke to Anthony Nazzaro, Deputy Director of the National Center for Men, concerning widespread anger among women's groups in response to this contract.

"We are NOT trying to fuel the bitter exchange in the battle of the sexes," insists Nazzaro. "We feel there has been a real growth in the incidence of false rape charges. This contract provides a means to protect men against unfounded accusations which may crop up at a later point."

On the other side of the issue is the denial by the National Organization of Women that there has NOT been an epidemic of false charges. The have called the contract "an attempt to ridicule women who've been raped."

Common sense should indicate that if a man is concerned about a woman being unclear about whether they wish to engage in sexual activity or not, he should believe no means no. Besides the obvious health risks, the increasing legal entanglements, promiscuous behavior affects individual self-worth. There is a renewed impetus for celibacy among single people, according to recent reports from the institute Masters & Johnson in St. Louis. Being celibate doesn't mean you're asexual. Rather it says you have thought about the risks, weighed the emotional factors and decided to think that much of yourself to wait. Join the club. It's just not worth the risk.

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