Articles & Letters
 
The Force From Within
Warren Hynes (article excerpt)

Throughout history, man has struggled with aggression. At times, it has served him well to be forceful; at other times, it has hurt him. Most of the time, it has confused him.

Even the definition of the word "aggression" is a puzzle. According to Webster's New World Dictionary, the word means "forceful, attacking behavior, either constructively self-assertive and self-protective or destructively hostile to others or to oneself."

Which is it? Is aggression something that a man should be striving for, or is it something he should be avoiding?

"The advantage of aggression is that's what got us out of the caves," said Anthony Nazzaro, executive director of the Men's Action Network (MAN), a men's rights group based in Dobbs Ferry, NY. "Man ventured out because he had the courage and the aggression to go in search of things he didn't have already."

Nazzaro said man's aggression has led to "everything from landing on the moon to experimenting for bigger and better weapons." He said that when he was serving in the Vietnam War, it was important for him to be aggressive.

"It instilled confidence in the other soldiers that you could handle the situation, and it enabled you to face the realities of war," Nazzaro said.

But as much as aggression has enabled man to survive, it also has enabled him to harm other people. "Aggression can be a problem only if it misfires, and instead of ahving a well-challenged, well-refined kind of aggression...it becomes violence and abuse and sadism," said Dr. Lawrence Miller, director of psychiatry for St. Vincent's Medical Center and Bayley Seton Hospital.

Dr. Miller said that as a whole, aggression is healthy. "The word 'aggressiveness' is a very misused phrase," he said. "We look at aggressiveness as something bad, but it's really very good.

"I think we have to redefine the term 'aggression.' Aggression should mean doing what is good and necessary and effective in terms of bringing about a better life for someone and someone's children."

Dr. Ken Byalin, a psychotherapist with a private practice in Grasmere and Brooklyn, said aggression is an instinctive behavior that is rarely need by human beings.

"It is probably relevant in life-preserving in certain kinds of dangerous situation," Byalin said. "The animal needs to either escape or defend itself in order to survive. Civilized human beings end up in those kinds of situations on occasion, but they're relatively rare. And even in those situations, we're so civilized that our instincts barely operate."

Humans have evolved to a point where these instincts are quite unreliable, Byalin said. "The reason we are where we are instead of being where we were a million years ago is because we have substituted a whole variety of learned social behaviors for instinctive behaviors," he said.

"We pay a certain price for this in terms of neuroses and ulcers and things like that. But generally speaking, it beats wearing hides and eating raw meat. But we have, as a result, largely lost our instincts."

Byalin said there is often confusion between the words "assertive" and "aggressive." Learning how to be assertive can be quite positive, he said.

"One of the central notions of assertiveness in a democracy is that I assert my rights as a human being without denying your rights as a human being, even defending your rights as a human being," Byalin said. "I can make clear my needs and I can try to be as effective as I can in getting my needs met without denying that you're a human being."

Whether you're calling it assertiveness or aggression, a man is often expected to use some form of forceful behavior throughout his life. If he is passive or submissive, a man may be seen as a failure.

"When you have a real gentleman or the type of person who is slightly effeminate, he does draw ridicule in the workplace, and maybe even at home," Nazzaro said. "Because they feel he doesn't have the backbone to stand up for himself. And that's unfair, because it puts an undue burden on that person."

And yet, men with a lot of inhibition and passiveness aren't all that healthy, either. "They confuse aggression and assertion with the danger of being punished," Dr. Miller said. "They kind of go through life not attracting attention, not irritating anyone. These so-called nice guys sort of end up coming in last."

What's the ideal behavior then? Nazzaro said men should strive for some kind of a balance. "There's a middle ground, and you have to be able to control your aggression," he said. "Aggression itself isn't the problem. You have to be able to control it."

A healthy assertiveness, Byalin said, can be very productive. "Standing up for yourself, standing up for what's right--which is sometimes either mislabeled aggression or can come out kind of aggressively--is most functional assertiveness," he said.

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